Mountains

*The events in this post took place on June 30, 2009*

OMG! This morning I was driving to work and then I needed to take a mad dump. I wanted to drive faster but it was no use cuz there traffic. DAMN! The hair on my arms started to stand up and I clinched my cheeks super tight. Normally I don't mind the morning traffic but I couldn't stand it this morning. My left leg was shaking uncontrollably and I was starting to sweat. I tried to keep as still as possible but that didn't really help. The more relaxed I got, the more it would feel like it was gonna come out and explode. So on the whole drive, the entire 45 mins, I was pretty tense. Yeah, the WHOLE drive. I shoulda took a dump before I left but I was in a hurry since I woke up a little later than usual.

When I got to work, the spot where I normally park was taken. So I parked a little farther and the spots were tiny for my big ass truck. I just ended up taking 2 spots since I couldn't park it properly. And then I tried to run but that made the feeling worse so I power walked to my desk to clock in and headed straight for the bathroom. And on my way there, people were saying "What's up?" to me and I just said "Yo" and kept on walking. My teeth were grinding and my eyes were watery. And the closer I got to the bathroom, the harder it became to hold it in. I actually had to slow down walking when I was about 10 yards away from the bathroom door because it almost felt like it was gonna explode already. I had to regain my composure. I don't want to have to drive all the way home to get some new pants.

So I made it to the bathroom and unleashed the fury on that poor toilet. It was like the sounds of heaven with every splatter. The angels were singing and it was a glorious celebration. Since everything was concentrated to one area already, I finished my deed pretty quick. It probably took less than 2 minutes and I was already cleaning up. And as I got up to flush, I took a quick peek at my masterpiece and saw a magnificent mountain. There were no logs in this forest. Just one big mountain pile of doo doo. I almost shed a tear from seeing what nature had created before my eyes. I had a hand, or ass, in this doing and I didn't want to see it go away. I wanted to share my wonderful creation to the whole world.

Too bad the toilet I used was an automatic flusher and all my hopes and dreams went down the drain. Another day, another dollar, and another 8 hours to try to recreate a mountain worthy for the heavens to see....