Gum or Doo Doo?

I walked into the office and was ready to clock in. I usually stand up when I'm clocking in cuz I'm in a hurry. I don't wanna waste a minute by attempting to sit down. I get to my desk > unlock my computer > clock in > take off my backpack and set it down > sit down in my chair. That's my routine when I get to work.

Well one day after I clocked in and set my backpack down, I went to go sit in my seat. But as I was about to set my ass on the seat, my peripheral vision caught a glance of a dark residue in my chair. I took a closer look and it kinda looked fresh. It almost looked like a giant booger that had been stepped on and rolled in dirt. That or doo doo. I'm hoping for the former.

*flashback to last night*
When I got home and took off my pants I noticed a dark residue on my left ass pocket. I know I didn't crap my pants....but maybe I sat on someone else's crap?

*flashback to the office*
I remembered about my pants from last night. The location of the stains match up perfectly. I didn't go anywhere yesterday. I only sat in my car and at my desk. My car didn't have any stains in the seat. So it must have happened anytime between getting to work and leaving work. I smelled the stain and it had no scent. It doesn't stink so it's not doo doo. I touched it and it was kinda sticky. It could be gum. But I don't chew gum at work. And I don't know anyone near me who does either.

So you know what I did? I went around the building trying to find someone who has the same chair as me. I have a very distinct chair. Everyone in the office has a black chair. Mine is blue. So I can't just switch it with anyone. After much searching, I found the exact chair in.....the boss's office. MUAHAHAHA. Yeah, i switched my chair with one in the boss's office. I doubt he'll notice.

Well, when it came time to take my break I reached under my desk for my ukulele. I keep one of my ukulele's at work to jam on my breaks. And then it hit me. Yesterday I was jamming on the uke with Terry Funk and we sat in the stairwell. The stairwell has a ladder we sit next to, which the maintenance guys use to climb the roof. And there's probably random dirty shiite (gum, tar, bird doo doo, chewing tobacco, etc.) up on the roof.

I love those "a-ha" moments where everything pieces together and you finally solve a mystery.