Knockin' On Heavens Door

In my cubicle we have a special needs person sitting with us.  “Rain man” is a genius when it comes to math, statistics and facts but lacks in the social skills department.  He’s a very nice guy and he also enjoys singing.  I like having him in my cubicle.

Well, one day I was checking his work and spotted some errors.  So I went to his desk to ask him a few questions.

“Hey “Rain man” (FYI: I didn’t really call him this.  I called him by first name but I am referring to him as so only on here), I got a couple questions for you.”  He had his earphones on and he didn’t respond.  So I gently knocked on his desk to get his attention.  *knock knock knock*

He ripped his earphones off and abruptly stood up.  I’m 5’4” and this guy is maybe 6’1”.  He then proceeded to pound his fists on his desk.  *BOOM BOOM BOOM*  His eyes were huge and he said in a very loud, almost shouting voice, “Why do you have to knock on my desk?”

“You had your headphones on and didn’t respond when I was calling your name.  I thought it might get your attention…”  It worked but not in the way I was expecting.  I didn’t think it would anger or upset him.  I totally didn’t think he would react that way.  But I guess with special people you never know.  “Anyways, I got a couple question about your work.  Can you come to my desk so I can show you?”

After I started talking about work, he calmed down and went back to his normal self.  But if you saw my face, you would have seen the fear.  And if you checked my undies, you’d probably find a log or two.  I was seriously ready to take a punch in the face when he stood up.

Medicinal Snacks

So I walked into the lunch room to put my food in the fridge. “The Sheriff” was in there filling up his water jug. He turned around to see me empty the contents of my bag and place them in the fridge.

“Those are some interesting cookies you have there…”

“What? These….”

“Do they have m@riju@n@ in them?”

WTF? This is my boss. And he said this with a smile. I’m wondering if I looked high? What would cause him to ask that? I know I joke around all the time but I’m never under the influence of anything at work. I still have a job to do and I take pride in anything that has my name attached to it.

“Uh….they’re not cookies. It’s soy patties.”

“Oh….the reason I ask is because my mother-in-law….”

I cut him off and asked, “Your mother-in-law bakes weed cookies? WOW!”

“Hahahaha. No, she has medical problems and my wife suggested she take some medicinal m@riju@n@. But she refuses cuz she thinks it bad. And then my wife was telling me about the cookies and brownies and we can just give that to her. She’ll think it’s regular treats.”

“So….you’re not gonna tell her there’s weed in those treats?”

“NOPE! Well, my wife is gonna be the one doing it. It’s up to her. I’m not taking any part of this.”

Hahahaha. We both laughed at this. Giving some 80 yr old lady some bud brownies and not telling her is hilarious to me. And then he said something that really caught me off guard.

“Do you know how easy it is to get a medical card to get the stuff?”

“Uhhh…no. Not really.”

“My wife told me there’s all kinds of ads in the reader where you can get them. Not that I’m condoning this kind of behavior…” The Sheriff then proceeded to pick up The Reader (we have a stash of them in the lunch room for people to read) and quickly found a full page of ads about where to get medicinal cards and how much. We both laughed hysterically about this.

“Well, thanks for the heads up about this…”

That wasn’t awkward at all. Hahahahaha.

Sup Dawg

I went into the lunch room to go wash my cereal bowl when I ran into "#" making some toast. I hit him with the fist pound and went about my business.

#: Sup Dawg.

me: Chillin' mang. Sup witchoo?

#: Nuttin' man.

*2 seconds of silence*

#: So....sup dawg?

Uhhhh.....I coulda sworn I answered/responded to that question/statement already. I really wanted to respond with the same exact answer as before but I didn't want to be a dick. Its just funny when people try to force a conversation to keep going when there was nothing to be said. That's why I wear headphones everywhere I go.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Printer Police

Today I got asked by "The Sheriff" if the printer is used a lot. I happen to sit next to the printer so I guess it's my job to monitor the usage of the printer? I told him "Yes, it goes off like every other minute. People from the side of the building come here and use it too." I don't really know if that's true. Hahahaha. But I do get a lot of people talking to me as they wait for things to get printed. That can sometimes get annoying. Thank God for the invention of headphones.

A few months back "The Deputy" aka "Shamone 2" asked me if the stuff that people print are work related material. Ummm.....how am I supposed to know? Do I need to check every piece of paper printed to make sure? When was I informed of this duty? I responded with "Ummm....I see a lot of resumes being printed. Job applications, formal complaints, things like that." Of course The Deputy laughed. She knows I joke around a lot. But this time I wasn't joking. MUAHAHAHAHA.

Turner and Mooch

One day "Mr. Whispers" decided to bring food to share with the entire cubicle, which consists of 7 people. I thought this was a real nice gesture and I wanted to do something nice also. So the next week I brought in some food to share as well. Mr. Whispers and I continued to do so for however long. We'd just bring in snacks or even meals sometimes. Every once in a while someone else from the cubicle would share a little something they brought. We figured every one in the cubicle would bring something at some point. It wasn't necessary of them but if they kept eating the stuff we brought, it would have been nice for them to show they appreciated what we were doing. That was our rationale.

Well, I guess "Mooch" doesn't believe in that. To this day he has never shared anything with us. It's been almost 2 years since I moved into this cubicle and he still takes and never gives. Mr. Whispers and I stopped bringing food to share with everyone. We bring food and share it with each other since we are the only ones who care about contributing. And even when we share with each other, Mooch comes by and begs for food. We no longer offer food. He just stares at our food and doesn't leave. At first I would ask if he wanted some since he would be staring so hard. And then I started to get a little bit offended by the stares so I stopped offering. Now he stares and then asks for some. I still share when he asks but never do I offer him anything anymore.

Maybe it was the culture that I grew up in. It's just the polite thing to do when someone brings something for you, you return the favor at some point. I mean, you don't have to but I always did. Karma.

Curtains and Carpet

I went to grab some ice from the ice machine downstairs. I had my headphones on so I wouldn’t have to talk to random people. As I finished grabbing some ice, I noticed “Mr. Accidental Stalker” looking at me. I still had my headphones on but I made eye contact with him. Mistake on my part. That was his cue.

Mr. Accidental Stalker: I thought you were a new employee

Me: *smiles and walks away*

Mr. Accidental Stalker: So you dyed it, huh?

Me: Yup. *keeps walking away*

Mr. Accidental Stalker: How much did it cost?

Me: Ohhh…I didn’t pay, I did it myself.

Mr. Accidental Stalker: Haha. How about downstairs? *looks at my crotch*

Me: *surprised disgusted look* …..uhhh…..i’d have to grow it out first…..haha?

Mr. Accidental Stalker: HAHAHAHAHAHA

WTF? I don’t even know this guy too well. He just happens to show up at certain places I’m at. And I’m not just talking about work. I was at the bowling alley one day and he was there looking at me. Yeah. You wonder how I gave him his nickname.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Hotdogs Down The Hallway

The hallways at work aren’t exactly the biggest. It can fit two people side by side. It gets to be a little tight if one of those people are holding something though. I’ve never had any problems when walking down the hallway but I think there is one guy who has. Every time he sees me walking down the hallway, he waits for me to pass before he walks thru. He goes to a complete stop and partially enters a cubicle and once I pass he goes and proceeds to walk in this hallway. WTF? I know I’m fat but I’m not THAT fat where I take up the entire walkway.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Above and Beyond

There are quite a few characters here at but one of my recent discoveries, or I should say encounters, is “Mr. I Wear My Pants Too High” or “Mr. IWMPTH” for short. He doesn’t work in our facility so I hardly see him but he visits every few months or so. The last time he was here I noticed something extremely strange. Well, I guess it’s strange for me but normal to other people. I like to wear the waistline of my pants around my waist, the area between my belly button and crotch. That’s usually right at the top of the butt cheeks from the back view. But I ran into this guy who wears his pants above the belly button. Not by a few inches. It’s quite a bit higher. I would say the area directly center of the nipples and belly button. I’m not trying to hate or anything but I could see his balls shoved to one side of his pants and he has a forever wedgie because the waist part is so high. This cannot be very comfortable.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Wasting Time

So I went to the lunch room to grab some milk for my cereal. It was an afternoon snack. And upon entering the lunch room I saw "Mr. Late Night Show Host" standing by the table with a very concerned look on his face. I didn't even try to bother him. I didn't say hi or anything, I just went straight to the fridge. I grabbed the milk and poured it onto my cereal. And after I put the milk away I turned around to see him in the same exact position with the same exact facial expression. I stared at him. After a few seconds of silence and me staring at him he finally turned to me and said "I have a dilemna."

I replied with "Yeah, you look a little lost there."

And he goes "I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna get this all home without spilling." He had a bag full of food and a couple opened cans of beans and corn.

After he said that "Mr. Peg Leg" walks into the lunch room and asks "Are you on break?"

Mr. Late Night Show Host says ".....uhhhh.....no....."

Mr. Peg Leg, being a supervisor, decides to throw his authority around and says "So......you're just standing around wasting time?"

And Mr Late Night Show Host is a witty gentlemen and responds with "...well...what exactly are you doing?"

**Awkward silence**

Mr. Peg Leg isn't so witty so it takes him a few seconds to find some words. "Uhhhh....very important things."

I start cracking up in both of their faces and bolt for the door. I got my milk for my cereal and now it's time to eat. Peace out suckers!

A Funny Joke Or Horrible Mistake

In the mornings when I get to work, I go to the break room to put my lunch in the fridge. This morning I went there and right when I opened the door to the break room I got punched in the face. Not literally. Figuratively. The smell was so bad in there. I saw 3 dudes in there and I looked at them with this disgusted face. I saw one washing dishes in the sink, one was by the microwave, and the other was by the fridge putting his lunch in there too.

From the immediate looks of things, I had assumed the guy putting his lunch away accidently dropped it and it spilled all over the fridge. And that’s where this smell was coming from. But he had an innocent look to his face. So I don’t think he could be the culprit.

The dude washing his dishes at the sink was only washing a cup so he couldn’t have something that smelled that bad. And the other dude at the microwave notices me scanning around trying to find the smell and says “It’s milk. Apparently someone left it in the cabinet.”

WTF? Who leaves milk in the cabinet?

And then the janitor walks in with some cleaning products. He sees the disgusted look on my face. I guess the other 3 guys have been in there so long that don’t even notice the smell anymore. I, on the otherhand, am ready to puke my brains out. The janitor, “Migo”, then explains to me that when he was cleaning the break room this morning that it smelled even worse. He was looking in the fridge trying to find the smell but everything smelled ok in there. He then checked the trash cans but no dice. Then he started looking in the microwaves and still no dice. The sink. Nope. And finally he started checking the cabinets and BINGO!!!! He found a gallon of milk that was ready to explode. He said the container had expanded and was ready to blow up.

I asked “Why would there be milk in the cabinet?”

And Migo said “They clean the fridge every Friday night. Maybe the cleaning ladies were emptying the fridge and someone left milk and the cleaning ladies decided they were gonna take it home so they put it in the cabinet to get it later. And then they forgot?”

That makes sense.

If I was a cleaning lady, I’d take home whatever people leave in the fridge. That’s free food right there.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Poppin' Pills

So we were at the company Billiards tournament just loungin’ and goofin’ off before the whole ordeal got underway. And one of my teammates, “Mr. Cocky”, busted out two bottle of pills and proceeded to pop the stuff into his mouth. We all looked at him like “What the hell is that? Steroids?”. They were in a prescription bottle but it sure didn’t look like prescription pills. So my other teammate, “Terry Funk”, blatantly asked “What’s that for?”.

Mr. Cocky: This one is antibiotics *shakes bottle in right hand* and this one is for high blood pressure *shakes bottle in left hand*

Terry Funk: Oh, it looks like you have high blood pressure.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oooohhh, burn!

Mr. Cocky: That’s messed up! *gives Terry Funk dirty look*

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Terry Funk: WHAT!?! Did you guys not get the same joke I was thinking?

Mr. Cocky: You’re saying I got high blood pressure cuz I’m fat? Not cool

Terry Funk: No no no. It’s cuz you’re always angry all the time.

Me: Oh…..I totally thought you were saying that cuz he’s fat.