Rules Are Rules

Us guys have strict rules when it comes to restroom etiquette. No direct eye contact and no talking. Under no circumstances is it permissible to break these rules, otherwise you're gay!!!!

Well....the other day I had just come out of the stall when "Mr. Rivers" walks in and posts up at the urinal. I'm washing my hands, minding my own business, when Mr. Rivers decides to strike up a conversation with me. His back is turned to me and he decides to look over his shoulder so he can make eye contact with me as he speaks. I'm answering his questions with single word answers and trying to get out of there as fast as I can. I hate talking to people in the bathroom. So after I answer a couple questions with a simple yes or no, Mr Rivers turns his attention back to what he's supposed to be doing. Peeing. And all of a sudden....

"........Oh shiiiiiiiiiit.........."

"Sup?"

"I just pee'd on myself!!!!"

"Hahahahahaha"

I walked out laughing my ass off. And that is why you're not allowed to talk in the restroom.

Caught In The Act

So last week I was walking down the hallway on my way to grab some ice and water. I noticed someone walking behind me but I didn't really pay any attention to it. In my path was "Mr. I Only Wash My Pants Once A Month" and he stopped me dead in my tracks to tell me how ridiculous my headphones were. I didn't really listen to what he said and I responded with something stupid so I could get on my way. But him having stopped me, allowed the person who was on my tail, to catch up to me.

It was "The Sheriff".

He asked me if I was on break. I told him that I was just gonna grab some water and head back. He then asked me to step into the conference because he needed to speak with me. In private.

Uh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As soon as he closed the door, he said "I have something to show you..."

I looked at his crotch and said "Oh no....."

"....on the computer!"

"Whew. I thought you were gonna show me something else..."

Hahahaha. We have that kind of relationship.

So he opens up a laptop and proceeds to show me a chart. On this chart was various icons. Things like a talk bubble, an airplane, a silhouette of a woman, food, etc. He then explained what each icon represented. All these icons represented a type of website visited.

He then opened up a page that showed my computer activity throughout a typical workday. It had logged everything I've done/visited for every five minutes throughout an entire day. This was just a random day chosen too. And on that day, It was talk bubble icons everywhere. Which basically meant that I was chatting ALL DAMN DAY!!!!! Hahahaha.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like that's the only thing I do. They have records of all my work too. And I do a good job. It's just sometimes I'm waiting for things to load up and I gotta do something else while I'm waiting.

But yeah, ever since that day I haven't used the internet at work and I don't even store any music/pictures/personal files on my work comp. I learned that I have no privacy whatsoever. So for those of you reading this at work, please be careful. They're watching you....

Those of you watching......SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!

GILF

As I was walking out of the lunch room with my food in hand, I saw her walking towards me. I smiled and she smiled back. And she said "Happy New Year!" as she passed and I said the same. I noticed she was huffin' and puffin' when she passed by. I guess she just came back from a little jog/walk.

We were going opposite directions but as she passed by me, I had to stop and watch her walk away. I turned my head and followed the movement of her hips. It was very mesmerizing, so mesmerizing that I didn't even notice that people were watching me. Hahahahaha.

"The Bald Eagle" came up to me and said "I take it you wouldn't mind givin' it to the ol' lady..."

"No sir, not at all. I would very much enjoy that..."

"Hahahaha. Well, I'll tell you what...she's on me and "The Sheriff's" Dream Team!!!!"

"Hahahaha. Mine too!"

Holy Moly

When I got into work this morning, I got an email from the HR department asking me to come to their office. The email was kinda weird. It was addressed to me like I was a friend and not an employee so I had a strange feeling about this.

Nonetheless, I went to the HR dept to see what was up. Right when I got in, he told me to have a seat. That's when I knew this was gonna be long....

"Remember for Halloween....when you dressed up as....The Savior...."

Today is Jan. 5, 2010. Halloween was like 2 or 3 months ago. I dressed up as Jesus Christ.

"Yeah...."

"Well....FYI....some people here....were a little bit offended it..."

"....."

The conversation went on about how I wasn't intentionally trying to offend anyone, but I guess he stood up for me with the people who complained and that's why the email I got was in a friendly manner and not in the usual "work tone" that I get all the time.

It was just weird for me to hear about this now. If anything, I woulda expected this conversation to happen in early November. Hahahaha. Whatever. I'll stick it to 'em next Halloween. Wait til they see my next costume. Muahahahahaha.