Saved By The.....Deli?

So me and "Mr. Belding" went out to Sunrise Deli for lunch today. It was a beautiful day and we just needed to get out of the office. It gets a little kooky just sitting down for 8 hours straight and just staring at a lifeless screen. We just needed a change of scenery and some human interaction. So as we're walking in to the deli, there were these two girl who looked like they just came from or were headed to the beach. They had their little neon bikini tops glowing out of their wifebeaters. And me and Mr. Belding just look at each other and nodded in approval. And as we got closer to the front of the line, a girl in a black dress walks in. I'm using my peripheral vision but I could tell this girl was wearing a dress that's see-thru in the sun. I could already see the outline of her thong.

I paid for my food and headed to the back to wait. And then I see another girl, a red head with curly hair, walk up to the black dress and start talking to her. And Mr. Belding joins me waiting in the back and I say "We might have to eat here..." Not a minute later, a Persian cutie walks in. Mr. Belding turns to me and says "We picked the right time to come here."

I've been to the deli plenty of time but I've never seen so many girls, good looking girls, in there at the same time. Needless to say, me and Mr. Belding enjoyed our lunch at the deli today. I didn't even have to use my AK. I got to say it was a good day.

One Way

A while back on a business trip to the Great Northwest with "Mr. President" and "Mr. Brown-Nose", we were cruising the streets of downtown Seattle just lookin for a place to eat. We were walking down the street towards the Space Needle when we notice a guy running full speed about to pass us. We were on the sidewalk and he started to go into the street to pass us up. I saw him look over his shoulder to see if cars were passing through and he started to run across the street. Well, while his head was turned over his shoulder, there was this car that was approaching him from his front side. And as he turned his head back around he noticed the car in front of him. He was running full speed and probably 2 seconds away from getting ran over. He even put his hands on the hood of the car to stop his momentum. Oh, did I mention that this was a one way street and he was running against traffic? Muahahahahaha. This happened maybe 10 ft away from us and I was cracking up so loud. I'm sure he heard me. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

PopSUCKle

It was a hot summer day and the AC wasn't on in my cubicle. So I got up just for the hell of it and "Tiger Ali" happened to pass by. He strutted down the hallway with a popsicle in hand. I stared at him wondering where the eff he got a damn popsicle. The office was steaming hot and I wanted one too. And as he passed by me, I'm pretty sure he noticed me staring at the damn popsicle. So as he's walking away, he turns around to face me and licks the popsicle from the base all the way to the tip. He did this very slowly and he never disengaged eye contact with me. I started cracking up and he didn't say one word. He just walked away eating his popsicle. WOW.

Fine Wine

You ever see those people who dress waaaaay too young for their own good? It's like when a 40 yr old woman tries to wear something skanky that her 20 yr old daughter would wear. Well, we kinda have that in the office but this lady actually pulls it off. I'm guessing she's around 60 yrs old but hot damn she is lookin' good. Aged to perfection, like a fine wine. She dresses very classy and if you just saw her from the neck down you'd think she's in her late 20's or maybe early 30's. Every time I see her I can't help but smile(and jizz in my pants). Just the way she carries herself, she has so much confidence and it turns me on. I would love it when my wife is 60 yrs old and she's turning on guys that are 40 yrs younger than her.

Splatterhouse 5

I saw "The Executive" walking all super fast down the hallway. He seemed extra eager to get to his destination. I was kinda curious to where he was going....but I lost him after he passed through the door. Oh well.

So I walk to my destination, the bathroom, and get a pleasant surprise. Right when I opened the door I heard one of the loudest farts I have ever heard. And accompanying that was the sound of splatters hitting porcelain. I swear that everything that came out of this person didn't even hit the water. It just straight up stuck to the inner rim. Never in my life have I witnessed something as glorious as this. I was seriously impressed.

I'm going pee and I'm expecting to hear more splatters. But no! All I hear is the roll of toilet paper being pulled and homeboy walks out. I'm still peeing here. And guess who it was? Yup! The Executive. I walked into that bathroom 10 seconds are he did. It probably took me 20 seconds to pee. And within that time span, homeboy was able to unleash a mad food baby! No wonder he was walking so fast.

Food baby in 30 seconds!!! I've never witnessed that type of speed combined with such ferocious explosiveness. That's championship material if you ask me. The heart of a champion...or should I say the a$$ of a champion!