Kobe’s Defense:

Guys can wear the same pair of pants day after day…its well known that guys get dirty and they’re not into cleanliness all that much. Then in comes the Metro sexual, they have hang-ups when it comes to cleanliness and hygiene. Now granted I play sports but I’m really self conscious about my smells especially if I go a whole day sitting on my ass in the same spot for 8 hours. If you don’t think stuff oozes out your body and in which your clothes happen to absorb it then you need to check out discovery channel or something.

Now why do we change shirts? Could this be because they are closer to our nose area where we can smell them? Or is it because it’s more visible to others when we make eye contact and have conversations? Hmmmmmmmm, I think both. Now pants on the other hand are low away from vision and smell but it’s an area that involves a lot of movement and quite frankly people’s junk. Granted you have underwear on but its cotton not a sham wow so some stuff makes it way to the pants.

Terry Funk may not represent the before mentioned but boys and girls the same pants for almost a week shows me a lot about that persons hygiene. If you have a job buy clothes and do laundry but if you don’t care about appearance or our senses then you won’t be offended here. So next time your shnoz picks up some smell in the air that doesn’t smell like food but causes you to say ew. It may be you or it may be the coworkers who wear the same thing everyday. Lets not be lazy, but I’m beginning to understand Howie Mandell or any germ-a-phobe out there. PS cologne will not hide the smell either so don’t shower in it.

Divine Intervention

So I was walking to the lunch room to grab some milk for my cereal when I ran into someone. It was a "fine wine". I opened the door and she was standing right there. It was like God meant for this to happen. Thank you God. I walked through and held the door open for her. I just smiled and didn't say a word. And as she passed under the doorway she stopped dead in her tracks and started laughing. She then turned around to look at me, still laughing, and I was still smiling and she tried to utter some words in between her laughs.

"You know.....your costume....for Halloween...." And she placed her hand on my shoulder. It felt like heaven. Her touch was soft and delicate and I can only imagine how that hand would feel if she touched me somewhere else. "...it was DIVINE!" And she said all this in between her laughs. And I laughed too as she finished that little sentence that was so hard for her to utter out.

"Why, thank you!" I said after I laughed.

Oh, and by the way, I dressed as Jesus Christ on Halloween, for those of you who didn't understand the reference(s) above.

I turned around and headed to the lunch room and almost forgot the reason I went there in the first place. This totally made my day. As little as it was, it left a lasting impression on me. The "fine wine" is a total sweetheart and that makes me in love with her even more.

I didn't think she even knew I existed but now I might have to make some visits to go see her and chit chat.

Guerilla Tactics

"Quasimodo" likes to go around the building and just collect empty cans off of people's desks. Well, he made a stop at the desk of "Mr. Anger Management" and grabbed the energy drink from his desk. He grabbed it from the top, with his fingers around the opening of the can. Thing is, Mr. Anger Management was not finished with his drink and Quasimodo just touched his drink with his dirty, grimy fingers.

You have no idea how pissed Mr. Anger Management was. His drink was pretty much full but after Quasimodo touched the rim of his drink, he refused to even touch it. He tossed a nearly full energy drink in the trash. And Mr. Anger Management lives off of energy drinks, since he works two jobs and needs it to help stay awake. Now he was running on Anger. Hahahahaha.

This happened a few months ago and a lot of people leave their empty cans/bottle on the side of their desk for Quasimodo to come and pick up. And in protest of Quasimodo touching his drink, Mr. Anger Management has decided to throw every empty can/bottle that he sees in to a trash can. So that way Quasimodo has to dig through trash in order to find his gold.

And in protest to Mr. Anger Management's guerilla tactics, I have decided that every empty can/bottle I see, I go and place it on Mr. Anger Management's desk every day after he leaves. Muahahahahaha.

Understatement

Kobe and John Stockton were having a discussion.

Kobe: Oahu is an island.

John Stockton: I'll f*ck an island!!!

The End.

Same Shiite, Different Toilet

So "Kobe" happened to notice that "Terry Funk" had been rockin' the same pair of jeans for the past 4 days and he began to complain to me about it. It was on a Thurs and then Fri...and then Mon and Tues came around it was still the same pair. That's not odd to me. Terry Funk could have done laundry over the weekend and decided to wear the same pair again. I've worn jeans two days in a row so it was no big deal to me.

So we decided to ask for a female perspective about the jeans situation. And the verdict was: No big deal.

It was still trippin' out Kobe so we decided to ask a few more people. And the verdict was: same thing, no big deal.

I mean, we sit down on a chair all day. You can't get THAT dirty from just sitting down. If you happened to go running in those jeans and wore them again the next day, I'd think it was a problem. When you start sweating profusely, there's gonna be some funk that comes along with that so that's when it would be wise to change.

I mean, we still don't know the reason Terry Funk is rockin' the same pair for how many days in a row now. Maybe Terry Funk hooked up with some chick and never made it back to their place so they have to rock the same jeans and they happen to have an extra shirt in their car for emergency purposes. Or maybe they do laundry everyday?

Verdict: Kobe has a case of Mysophobia.

Peace!

I went down to the lunch room to grab some ice and as I turned the corner, I saw some guy who likes to talk to me for some reason. He talks to me like he knows me. Like we're best friends. I don't even know the dude's name. Heck, I don't even like seeing him.

But when I turned the corner he was like 2 feet away from me. And then he decides to throw up the peace sign. Not like chuckin' up the deuces where your 2 fingers are pointed to the side. This was the peace sign that Asian tourists do in every picture. Dude....if you're that close to me, hit me with the pound or something. Peace signs are for when you see someone you know and they're like 50 yards away.

Skate Or Die

As I was leaving the office the other day, I saw some dude skating down the hill. I thought to myself "This fool is going super fast. How crazy would it be if he ate it right now...." And as he's crossing the stoplight, he looks over his shoulder for oncoming cars because he was skating in the street. I guess he noticed a few cars coming along so he decided to hop onto the sidewalk.

And as soon as I see him making his way to the sideway, all of sudden I didn't see him anymore. The next thing I saw was a bunch of leaves fly in the air and a pair of feet sticking out of some bushes. And I saw his board sliding about 100 yards away from him.

I wanted to laugh because I imagined this very scenario happening in my head but I couldn't do it until I saw him get up. I wanted to make sure he wasn't seriously hurt cuz it would be bad if he never got up and I was cracking up.

I eventually saw him get up and I eventually laughed.