Camel Burri(toe)

From my peripheral vision, I saw someone eating a burrito. They took a big bite out of it and chewed loudly. I could hear the saliva mixing in with the bits and pieces of food being mashed together to form a pasty substance. From the sounds of it, that burrito was delicious. I can't really smell anything because I'm sick but it looked like it was really good.

In that open spot where they took a big bite, salsa was being added to the mix. Too much salsa was poured in and it started to trickle down the side of the burrito. The salsa was dripping slowly and making it's way to the owner's hand. And mere seconds before the salsa could make contact with skin, I saw the burrito get pulled in close to the mouth and a tongue dart out just in time. This person licked from the base of the burrito all way to the end. And once they reached the tip, they englufed that delicious goodness in their entire mouth. Another big bite and I couldn't help but laugh.

I could tell that it's not only burritos that they use this technique on. Their form was very refined and on point. Oh man, I wish I didn't see that...

Pull Out!

"Mr. Whispers" was telling us about his weekend Vegas trip and I wasn't really paying attention because he's kinda religious and doesn't do any crazy stuff. But he was telling the other guys in our cube some story and then he said something like "Man, I shoulda pulled out...." and that got my attention right away.

My ears perked up and my eyes got big and I now became engaged in this conversation. Those magic words got me interested. I didn't think Mr. Whispers would do anything crazy...but I guess I was wrong.

So I said to him "Dude.....always pull out. ALWAYS!"

And "The Indian Chief" turns around, and as he was laughing, he says "Every time you don't pull out, you end up losing money. A lot of money."

"Yeah, you gotta pull out early. No matter what the situation is. Just learn to pull out. That's what guys don't know how to do..."

"You can't enjoy the whole ride."

Mr. Whispers continued with his story. He was talking about gambling at the blackjack table and we were talking about something else. I don't think he noticed. Muahahahahahahaha.

The Resident MILF

I was walking to the lunch room to go wash my cereal bowl when I ran into The Resident MILF. I was staring directly at her, as we made our way closer to one another, and she made eye contact with me. It was like love at first sight. Our eyes met and I smiled. She smiled back. And right as our shoulders passed, she stopped and said "Hey...."

My heart stopped at the sound of this. Had my dreams come true? Was she gonna ask me to join her in the copy room?

"...I saw the pictures from the basketball tournament."

I blushed and said "Oh wow. Hahahaha. It was a good time."

"I liked your guys' uniforms. Was that your idea?"

"Yeah....I figured none of us were really that good in basketball so if weren't gonna win it all...we might as well as look good! Style points!"

"Hahahahaha. I love that. Good for you guys."

Well, we went on with our conversation about basketball and I mentioned that I wanted her on my team. She laughed at this and said she didn't really play. Perfect. We just gotta look good then. And she already has that part down.

Our conversation probably only last 5 minutes but to me it felt like an eternity. We parted ways and I watched her walk away. I loved the way her hips swayed side to side when she walked. It was like her hips were telling me to follow her....

Stealth Mode

Over the course of a week and a half, I printed out a novel that I had on PDF. This book was 339 pages long and I printed out 30 pages at a time. I didn't want to be THAT GUY that hogs the printer so I did it in small chunks.

Today I was reading that novel and "The Thing" comes by and starts asking me about it. So I'm telling him about it and what not and he asks me if I have the PDF with me. I should have said no but I wasn't thinking properly and said yeah. So I gave him a copy and I thought he was just gonna read it on his comp. Boy, was I wrong.

After about 5 minutes, I heard the printer go off. And it kept running. For about 20 minutes. Other people had actual work to print out and here is this guy printing out 339 pages. And I happen to sit next to the printer. And everyone who needs to print something is looking at me like I was the one who printed this.

Eff that guy. He set me up. Now imma take the heat for that....

Not Quite Shorts, Not Quite Pants

So during the company softball tournament, there was one cat who stood out from the rest. Pretty much everyone on our team was in their early or mid 20's so we we're all pretty young and hip and up to date with fashion and proper public attire and what not. But I guess this cat didn't get the memo.

You know how old people don't know how to dress and they wear clothes that don't really fit them that well? Have you ever seen old people wear pants that rode too high so it showed their socks all the time? Hahahahaha. You would think someone in their mid 20's would realize a fashion faux pas such as this. Yeah, this guy did that.

Everyone on the team wore shorts that day. It was a hot day. Too hot to wear pants. I guess this is what that guy was thinking also but he didn't own a pair of shorts. So he decided to wear pants that were highwaters. Not quite shorts and not quite pants. SHPANTS!

I even asked him why he decided to wear "pants" since it was so hot and his response was "Well, I work out so much that it doesn't even bother me. I do sprints all the time so this is like nothing..."